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Daily Living > Stress > 3 Surprising Stressors and Ways to Cope
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3 Surprising Stressors

Smart strategies to de-stress

By Heather Johnson Durocher

Are you feeling stressed for seemingly no good reason? Well, there probably is a good reason, but it might surprise you. Here are three common stressors that can cause low or anxious feelings – and smart ways to reduce stress symptoms.

You’re overly empathetic.

“Since emotions such as fear, anger and frustration are energies, you can potentially ‘catch’ them from people without realizing it,” says Los Angeles psychiatrist Judith Orloff, MD. She believes that people who feel frequently blue or drained of energy are emotional sponges.

Smart Strategy: Ask yourself, “Is the feeling mine or someone else’s?” If the emotion such as fear or anger is yours, gently confront what’s causing it on your own or with professional help, Orloff says. If it’s not yours, try to pinpoint the generator. In all cases, when you are around negative individuals, be sure to decompress emotionally afterward by taking a few minutes alone to relax and focus on a positive image or thought.

You’ve reached a long-held goal.

You’ve done something you’ve always wanted to – run a race, traveled to a far-off country, landed a dream job – so why aren’t you thrilled? “Success brings its own forms of stress,” says Dorothea Hover Kramer, PhD, a psychologist in Port Angeles, Wash. Sometimes the chase is the most exciting part, making for an anticlimactic end result. And sometimes, stress comes from the uncertainty of, “Now what?”

Smart Strategy: Make the thrill of victory last. Hover-Kramer suggests you congratulate yourself for the hard work and dedication you’ve obviously put forth. Then, allow yourself to savor this time. To help you do this, consider creating a blog about what you’ve done and the lessons you learned along the way. Or share the news on a social media site like Facebook to relive the thrill of reaching your goal – and possibly link up with others who have done something similar.

You decided to end an unhealthy relationship.

You’ve reached the point of realizing you no longer can be friends with someone close to you. Cutting out such toxicity in your life should make you happy – yet you can’t help being aggravated or down about it. Hover-Kramer says that’s normal: Although you know the change is good for you, you’ve still grown used to having that particular person in your life.

Smart Strategy: Don’t fight the feelings you’re experiencing, Hover-Kramer says. Write a letter to your former friend sharing your thoughts. You don’t have to send it! Chances are, you’ll naturally feel better when you release those thoughts from your mind. Then, take action to surround yourself with positive people and experiences. Sign up for a night class through your local community college or immerse yourself in a favorite activity – both of which will likely expose you to new, more uplifting friendships.

Sherry Anglum
07 Feb 2012, 11:37
Another idea for de-stressing is to join an online chat. There are many good organizations such as this one who enable people with arthritis or other diseases to contact each other through chat room. This allows people facing similar problems to discuss these issues. I find that it is both informative and comforting to read about how others are handling their life while fighting a disease. One word of caution, do not reveal any personal information that would allow identity theft.
Chelle
28 Feb 2011, 23:54
Hello my name is Chelle and I am living with RA and I have alot of stress in my life from my in laws they are not happy people and they live on trying to make my marriage miserable. My husband is afraid to hurt their feelings and tell them what they are doing is wrong. It is becoming more and more stressful to deal with I can't deal with this disease and them what should i do someone please help me. I have given them chance after chance after chance and I am at my wits ends with them their stressing me out making me sicker and sicker.PLEASE HELP ME
JS
28 Dec 2010, 14:47
I never looked at ending an unhealthy relationship as this type of a stressor. I had to end a family relationship that hurt me so badly I didn't know if I could get through it but I also knew that if I didn't end this toxic influence in my life, I would never be the same person again. And that person would not have been a better one. The rest of the family never understood that I totally forgave the family member for what had happened and continued to happen but I had to draw a line and say that while I loved this person and forgave this person, I couldn't be around this person anymore without some change on their part, something which never happened. I asked forgiveness for my part in what happened because I lost my temper at several points when I shouldn't have but my family member never accepted my apology. I even went to my minister to make sure I wasn't doing something against the beliefs that I hold dear to me. It was a mess but my point is that after reading this, I see that I need to put it behind me, not dwell on it and concentrate on the positive people in my life. Maybe doing that will help the physical pain from RA, OA and Fibromyalgia that I live with daily. It amazes me sometimes how much your mental condition influences your physical condition. I have to make the choice to concentrate on the positive, not the negative. Thanks for another great article, Arthritis Today!
Lois
22 Dec 2010, 18:47
This article was great. I cannot recall the number of letters I wrote and also the people who have sat in a chair and pretended to be the person that hurt me or upset me in some way. Roll playing is an excellent release of pent up aggrivation, hurt and ill feelings.
Note to Grandma Pat:
I live in Florida too and will be alone for Christmas also. I hope you (and everyone else reading this post) have a beautiful Christmas :)
Lady T
18 Dec 2010, 08:50
Good article. I am a very empathetic person and realize this is a strength but something I need to control. This article confirmed and gave me some direction to do that. Also, I had been considering something like tai chi so thanks for letting us know how well it works!
John (Kansas City)
15 Dec 2010, 16:51
Since practicing AND becomming a certified Arthritis Foundation Tai Chi Program instructor, I've been able to be more relaxed even in tense situations. This relaxed attitude has also helped me to lose over 60 pounds...I feel great!
Tracy
15 Dec 2010, 13:12
Thank you so much, Grandma Pat! I am in awe of your energy and generosity towards others during this season. I struggle with being alone after having lost my husband 3 years ago the morning after Christmas. I need to learn to diffuse this because I am missing my favorite time of year. Today my goal will be to bake something for someone else and deliver it by the weekend. Grandma Pat--You are an inspiration!

Tracy
Grandma Pat
15 Dec 2010, 09:47
My husband and I have noticed much "de-stressing" at this holiday time now that we have distributed all the gingerbread houses I made, all the cheeseballs I made, all 100+ Christmas cards that we both worked on, have attended all the holiday social events he and I have been invited to, plus two our dog was invited to (us too!), have mailed all the packages, and have managed to put up our 1-2-3 Christmas tree (2 pcs, plug it in, lights already on it), and put up the Christmas card rack. We have checked out at least two restaurants which will be serving Christmas dinner. Living in Florida often means a houseful but this year nobody has come forward. We're happy to just attend church and enjoy each other's company. Merry Christmas to you all!
Laura
15 Dec 2010, 09:28
Yoga Nidra is an awesome destressor.

EMDR works wonders (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Lee
03 Sep 2010, 12:43
Jacqueline,

Congratulations on recognizing the importance of respite when you are a caretaker. It is hard to do, especially when you might feel guilty about taking time for yourself. However, you recognized that recharging your batteries will help you to re-energize yourself, and actually help your husband as well.

You sound like a person who is grateful for all of your life, the good and the bad. I know that can be hard, especially when you suffer yourself from pain and limitations. It takes strength and courage to remain grateful and positive about life.

I think of my great grandmother who suffered from RA, as I do now. At my age, she was bedridden, with a very deformed leg. She could not leave bed, even needed a bed pan.

I am so grateful that there are improved medications that keep us healthier, and research that improves our lives by giving us ideas on what will help us stay more functional and enjoy life to its fullest. Today is what we have for sure - the rest is a mystery.

Today, I enjoy my grandchild's smile, the presence of my husband next to me, and the fact that I am still physically able to make a living, even though I don't like my work.

I send love to all who suffer with this disease. Remember there are hidden blessings in everything, even arthritis. If you can find and recognize these, and don't focus only on your pain and what you cannot do, you will live a happier life.

Blessings to all,

Lee
aemon
01 Jun 2010, 12:07
i could not download this page
Jacqueline D. Cabral
23 Jul 2009, 03:36
I am my husband's Primary Caregiver. He has been diagnosed with Myelodysplasia Syndrome, a precursor to Leukemia. One of the treatments is transfusions of platlets and red blood. Another is chemotherapy, using the drug, Vidaza. The after effects of the latter are nausea and extreme fatigue, both of which I have felt along with him. We have been married 56 years and always have been a happy couple. We dated 4 years prior to marriage so 60 years of sharing our thoughts and feelings have produced a twosome that is truly empathic. It occurred to me after reading this article, that this type of empathy can easily be the leading cause of "burnout". Regular respites should be a must.

I'd appreciate comments on this "aha moment" of mine.

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