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Telling People You Have Arthritis

By Heather Johnson Durocher

How do you tell someone you have arthritis? Information about the condition isn't easy to convey or explain. Arthritis is a complex condition, but there are ways to discuss it comfortably.

Perhaps you’ve heard the expression, “elevator speech,” which is a concise summary of what you want to say that takes no more time than an elevator ride. OK, so maybe you're not exactly in an elevator when it happens. So how best to explain to someone your arthritis – succinctly and confidently – when you have only a few moments?

Consider these arthritis information tips from Mark Lumley, PhD, professor and director of clinical psychology training at Wayne State University in Detroit.

Decide how specific you want to be when you attempt to explain arthritis. Perhaps you only recently were diagnosed and still have much arthritis information to learn yourself. Rather than go into details, try saying something along these lines: “I have something going on with my hands, I'm seeing a doctor about it.” Or “I have pain in my hands; I take medication for it.” If you're comfortable sharing more in-depth arthritis information, you could start with, “I have an autoimmune disease. This means ... ” and explain what you know.

Watch your tone of voice. Do you present it matter-of-factly or as a source of embarrassment? Whichever way you go, the person will pick up clues from you and respond accordingly. Lumley suggests you make eye contact with a bit of a smile and confidence.

Empower the other person (and yourself at the same time) by inviting him or her to ask any questions about your condition. “It empowers them to be open to you and shows you how to be confident, as opposed to communicating, 'I'm ashamed. I'm insecure.'”

Janet Eshabarr

19 Dec 2011, 12:40

Reading every-bodies symptoms and issues. I feel for you as I have Degenerative Arthritis. Had bone fusion in 2002 at my neck C5, C6 & C7. What I went through before the neck surgery was unbearable. 10 yrs later, I am in so much more pain, can barely walk due to arthritis at my feet. Arthritis developed to my lower back, knees, hips, both shoulders and now at T1, T2 of my spine. 1 year ago I was diagnosed with Osteoporosis. It's difficult to explain to people what we are going through because it's a hidden disease. They see us on the outside, and we look fine....but everyday is such a challenge to be positive at times. I had a tumor in my pancreas and half of it was removed as well as my spleen in 2008. Because of it, medications is a thing of the past without it bothering my stomach. I can only take Tylenol Arthritis. It doesn't take all the pain away, just a little bit to get me through. I am no longer working, have a permanent disability placard but haven't finish the process for disability benefits - it's a long process and scary too. Sometimes I am in denial that I can no longer work. Right now I am in so much pain just typing this - I want to cry but it helps to vent I suppose. Thanks for listening/reading!

sherri

09 Nov 2011, 13:02

I was diagnosed with RA several years ago after have many troubles with my hip and hands. The last 2 years have been the worst with the increasing pain in my hands, back, hips, feet and knees. Many people do not understand that the pain is constant no matter what type of meds you use. Anti-depressants worked for the anger issues that are associated with the constant pain and people thinking that I am just lazy. But even with the anti-depressants, it makes things worse eventually with the weight gain due to side effect. So, what do you do, you stop that med to lose the weight and feel better but then the anger comes back. Loved ones blame the anger on everything else but the pain. I finally got tired of complaining about it and have decided to do the things that make me happy and try to live through the pain. A neighbor finally realized how bad my arthritis could be when I had actually complained about it and then the next two days I could hardly walk. It makes me exhausted trying to explain it to people.

vanessa alger

05 Nov 2011, 22:44

I am 34 with Fibro, RA and Osteoarthritis and also a rare form of a cancer of the blood. Throw in some wierd Lupus family extras, 4 kids and a hubby and my days are very difficult. I can understand how so many of the younger women feel when people look at them like they are fakes or liars. So many times I have been at back to back school activities only to be down for days afterwards, and of course there is always the parents that have something to say about me when they hear that I am not around because I am ill. Like so many others I take handfulls of meds everyday and am lucky when I can move for more than half of the day and yet because I "occasionally" look put together I must be well and it is all in my head. Prayers out to everyone with any of these diseases, and reminders to be strong and to remember that God only gives us what we can handle one day at a time..

Leann B

19 Oct 2011, 18:37

After 4 years of tests I have finally been diagnosed with RA. I'm 39 and had one hip replaced when I was 38. We are now trying to halt the progression in my other hip. As my ortho put it, "it's not a matter of if, but when."
I've always been a fighter, but this has started to take a toll on me. I have a beautiful little boy and an amazing husband. I want to be able to experience life with them, but it is so hard when I hurt so much or am so exhausted. If this is the way that my next 40 years will be, is it even worth it?
I keep telling myself to suck it up, but it's getting harder and harder to do. Does anyone have any, "getting by advice" for me? I truly would love to get a pep talk from someone who has been there and done that.

Elaine

09 Sep 2011, 07:06

Hi, I am happy to get all this helpful information.
I have two Dr. appointment today and schedule for a procedue on the 13 of this mont.
Over Three weeks they are tying to find out how to treat me.

This has help me to be more infoemed, and to deal with the different changes that my body is now going thue, that I did not under stan. God Bless thi Foundation Elaine

Isabel Maltez Acosta

26 Apr 2011, 12:11

hi i was dianogsed 7 years ago with RA im 37 now not taking any meds now i was on prednosone for a while i dont have any insurance to go see a specialist now im just taking my vitamins everyday.a lot of time i feel that no one will understand me only if i had a friend who has RA will know.i really get depress alot specially because i have a little one who still depends on me,and i have to take him to school everymorning when i cant even brush my hair or tie my jean i have ordered just now yoga pants because its very bad every morning to me to get dress..i hope someone can have some advise for me
isabel

chelsey toller

02 Mar 2011, 09:18

Nancy

01 Jan 2011, 19:59

I am writing this to help Anne Welker. I am almost 62 yr old, was diagnosed with Psoriasis in 1968, Rheumtoid Arthritis in 1976 and along the way developed psoriatic arthritis. In Jan 2010 I was diagnosed with Mitral Valve Prolapse with regurgitation and it is severe so I need open heart surgery. This past summer, since I can no longer take NSAIDS due to my heart valve problem, my arthritis became VERY BAD and so is my psoriasis, even though I live in Fl. I started to have swelling in my 4th right toe and bottom of my foot and the only thing that I can use to help this condition since my foot hurts very bad is using Brookstone tan slippers which the insoles are memory foam. They have been a blessing and I use them for shoes and slippers and it is the only thing that I wear and I can mostly walk with them. Last year I started to take liquid Wellesse Gloucosamine 2000mg, Chondroitin 1200mg & MSM 500mg. The bottle holds 16 days worth and it is sold in Walmart as the cheapest for a little under 13.00. It will take about 2-3 months to see a difference and I have and it has certainly helped me. I have also upped my fish oil pills to 3000mg and have seen a noticeable difference. I was taking Gin soaked raisins and that worked too. I am a real believer in natural meds because they don't have any side effects.

And to hell with those people that say you look like you don't need handicap placards. I now have one since my arthritis is bad and with my heart problem I am always short of breath. A lot of people are ignorant, so if I am confronted I just tell them so!!

Good luck for all of you...think natural meds and research them all...they do help and are so much healthier for you.

Terry

29 Dec 2010, 11:19

I have had psoriasis most of my 67 years. It has advanced over the last ten years. I was taking Remicade for about the last five years before my doctor changed me to Stelara since she felt that Remicade was not doing as good a job as expected. That was the worst decision of my life. Stelara will not supress Psoriatic Arthritis and I have been in constant joint pain with ligament distortion and suppressed immune sustem which has left me more ill from colds etc. and avoiding public or crowded places. Which is better- treating psoriasis beennin pain free in your joints or in constant pain a clear from psoriasis?

Tracy

06 Nov 2010, 14:09

I was diagnosed with RA 2 years ago. I,m a nurse, my job is very physically demanding.I find it very difficult to get up and going in the morning due to pain and stiffness.I seem to fatigue so quickly. I have tried all the NSAIDS, Darvocet, plaqunel, I have been on and off prednisone, nothing seems help with the fatigue. I used to go to the gym 5-6 days a week, now I just find it to painful. The only thing that seems to help is swimming.I have gained 20lbs in the pass 2 yrs. Make it go away!!!!

Kay Clark

05 Nov 2010, 01:47

I Have DISH arthritis, osteoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, and Type !! Diabetes . I am 68, have been very active all my life but lately it is all becoming unbearable. When my dog tripped me recently, I had my hip x-rayed and the doctor said my sacral/hip bones are so "whiskered", I look like I have multiple myeloma. i found out this is caused by DISH. I can't take NSAIDs because of a sensitive stomach so I take Darvocet and have tried time release Tramadol recently (Ryzolt). They both help but have side effects that make a normal life impossible. My pain level seems so much worse lately, I'm really reaching out to see if anyone else has any thing similar and might have a suggestion. HELP! (if you can)

KRose

04 Nov 2010, 15:48

How do you explain Fibromyalgia. Especially when you look fine but cannot hold a job or be a reliable volunteer?

Theresa

04 Nov 2010, 09:52

I was dianogsed with JRA when I was 7 and am now 30. You can live with it. It doesn't have to be who you are. I am not JRA. I am a mother, wife and super-crafter. When people ask I tell them that I have adult-onset JRA and if they want to know more all they have to do is ask. If someone has a problem, that is their problem not mine. I wouldn't want someone in my life that doesn't accept EVERY part of me anyway.

Elizabeth

31 Oct 2010, 05:25

DISH = diffuse idiopathic skeletal hyperostosis. "Diffuse idiopathic skeletal hyperostosis (DISH) has also been called Forestier's disease. It is considered a form of degenerative arthritis. However, DISH is characterized by unique, flowing calcification along the sides of the vertebrae of the spine. And, very unlike typical degenerative arthritis, it's also commonly associated with inflammation (tendinitis) and calcification of tendons at their attachments points to bone. This can lead to the formation of bone spurs, such as heel spurs. In fact, heel spurs are common among individuals with DISH." http://tinyurl.com/dg2mfq

Just another "gift" from our immune systems.

Heather

21 Oct 2010, 15:28

I am 36 years old and was Diagnosed back in November with RA. Within two months I was in for a CT scan and then quickly seen by a Pulminary specialist. I was also diagnosed with Interstitial lung disease in Feb of this year. I was but on large doses of steroids and Imuran (organ anti rejection med) to preventent this disease from getting worse. I am now in remission from this disease and am on the down slope of the steroid. I went back to the RA dr this past week thinking all was good and left there on 600mg of Plaquenil daily! Also have IGA Nephro. I have four children and am terrified of the years to come.

Barbara

21 Sep 2010, 15:26

What is "DISH"?

Anne WElker

22 Jul 2010, 13:31

In last months newsletter there was a note about a woman in her eighties that was taking a liquid form of Guclosomine and had great results. I think the note was written by a relative that witnessed her recovery....Can someone tell me the name of the product?

Anne

Trish

21 Jul 2010, 14:15

I was diagnosed with OA in my early 30's. In my 50's now, I have been further diagnosed with fibromyalgia/CFS complex and DISH.

I am interested in knowing how many people on this website has DISH? There is not much in the way of treatment for it.

Diagnostics are an x-ray of the spine looking for the running osteophytes.

I twisted my ankle in May and it wasn't getting any better, an x-ray showed arthritis and an osteophyte. When I saw my rheumatologist yesterday, he told me that the experts on DISH could not agree whether it stayed in the spine or it spread to other joints.

My rheumatologist is of the camp that it spreads and feels that the problem in the ankle is DISH and not OA. He also feels that the problems in my shoulder joints is DISH related.

I lost my job because of DISH because I could no longer use my hands and my whole spine is affected. I have 11 herniated/bulging disks, part of my thoracic spine is fused.

The physician who originally diagnosed the DISH told me to keep moving. If I became sedentary, my spine would fuse much faster and I would be in a wheelchair. I haven't stopped moving since ;-)

There appears to be little research going on with this disease, the Merck Manual calls it rare and rarely yet I am not diabetic, which is where it is seen mostly.

I am trying not to freak out and remain positive, but it would sure be nice to talk to other DISH sufferers!

Graz

20 Jul 2010, 22:22

TO ALL OF YOU WITH ARTHRITIS - THERE IS HELP.
TRY INFRA-RED MASSAGE BED. EAT RIGHT DIET. NO POP OF ANY KIND, LOTS OF VEGETABLES , FRUITS, NUTS, SEEDS (SUNFLOWER SEEDS) AND IF NECESSARY GLUTEN FREE DIET. NO IT DOES NOT CURE ARTHRITIS BUT IT HELPS TO DEAL WITH IT. ALSO EXERCISE , DAILY (WALKING) OR CURVES (RECOMMENDED BY ARTHRITIS ASSOC). LOTS OF SLEEP - THAT"S WHEN YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM GETS REGENERATED.DRINK LOTS OF WATER, IT FLUSHES OUT ALL THE TOXINS IN YOUR BODY. SEE IF YOU CAN BENEFIT FROM LYMPHATIC DRAINAGE, ESPECIALLY ID YOU HAVE SWELLING AROUND YOUR JOINTS FOR TOO LONG. DON'T GIVE UP< KEEP TRYING!!!

Andrea

20 Jul 2010, 19:58

I too, have RA.I am only 46. I first start going to RA Dr. about 1 year ago. We are still trying different meds. to find the one(s) that work on me. I have had 3 prior neck surgeries, OA, degenerative disc disease to name a few. I am only 46 years old. I have been told that it could take up to 7 years to find the right combination to help people out. I previously worked in a hospital for 7 years. This past March was approved for SSI, but I am only 46.....

Kris

20 Jul 2010, 17:56

I was diagnosed in 2003 with Fibro and almost 2 years ago with RA. I know exactly how you all feel. This is why I have grouped with a couple of friends here in NY and am starting a support group. Anyone in the area can email me at nyfsg@yahoo.com for details...This is a horrible, debilitating syndrome but, we try and try to overcome and we will with the support of family and friends by working with the NFA and "making Fibromyalgia visible". This is what my group and I are trying to do. Good luck to all. Gentle hugs!

Terri

20 Jul 2010, 17:56

First of all I would like to know all there is about JRA as my 7 year old grandson has it and I want to learn all that I can about it ... Second Nicole Sweetie the next time someone stares at you and makes you feel uncomfortable look at them and say I will pray for you because that is what they need is lots of prayer . May God Bless you Sweetheart .

Terri

20 Jul 2010, 14:12

I'm a 37 yr old female with severe RA & Fibro for about 7 years now. People do not understand, no matter how much, or how, you explain it. I've lost so called friends because they don't want to know, or be associated with it.

Every day is a struggle to do daily things. Humira, MTX & Naproxen all help, but not enough. I'm feeling the need to apply for temp disability soon, as working full time has become nearly impossible. Co-workers definitely don't understand, even though I've told most of them, and they complain all the time that I get special treatment.

People suck & should really be more sympathetic, weather they understand or see any health problems.

Thanks.

Linda Russell

20 Jul 2010, 12:38

I have been struggling with Fibro- Osteo- and RA for many years. I am now 51 Drs. friends, and family don't always get it because we look good on the outside. I take many meds. and natural products to relieve the pain and to help me function daily. With it in my feet, hands, knees, shoulders, many days are a struggle to even get out of bed. I have been approved for a service dog to help me but because people do not see the outward signs all the time, they think I am a fake.
How do we help others understand the reality of the auto-immune diseases?
Thank you all for sharing yourselves. It helps to know that others have much the same issues and it is not all mis-conceptions.
Blessings,
Linda

katie

20 Jul 2010, 12:08

People who know me know that if I can't do something because of my spinal and hip osteo arthritis know it's real because they know I'm a person who strives to be active. The worst part for me is getting the physical therapists to believe me that it impacts me as much as it does. They down play and diminish things as much as possible and are falsely reassuring. In the meantime, mechanical problems for my lower back and hips were missed and my joint damage is now severe. Trying to overcome their errors and misinformation, now a permanent part of my medical records, is the worst experience of my life. They really left me holding the bag because they wouldn't believe me. How about an article on them?!

Wanda Gail

20 Jul 2010, 11:57

I have RA, I went to work for a medical clinic, and the Dr. there knew why I had been having pain for at that time about 3 years. That was 10 years ago. It is hard for people to understand the pain and the limitations it puts on your way of life.
I tell anyone that asks what my problem is, and they seem to understand to a point.
My hands, feet and shoulders are the worst,
as time passes you will discover the friends
that will understand and the ones that don't. Any form of Arthritis is bad, but don't be ashamed of having it, it isn't your fault.

Mary Anne

20 Jul 2010, 11:55

I was diagnosed with RA at 25 and spent many years with no visible signs. It was not until I started to use a cane that I noticed an empathetic change in strangers' attitudes toward me. People were sometimes amazingly cruel and quick to criticize my slowness and limping. What I cared about were my family, friends and co-workers, not strangers. I made sure that I educated them and assured them I would always be honest with them about how I was feeling. In new work situations, I would give my supervisor an Arthritis Foundation booklet, point out the parts they should read and tell them I'd be glad to answer any questions they had. I think the most important thing is to show by your attitude that people can ask questions about arthritis.

Jean

20 Jul 2010, 11:52

I believe that some people simply pretend they don't believe those with arthritis are ill. It's a common illness and many people know someone else with arthritis. My familly members, except for my children, refuse to talk about i, either staring at me blankly, even if I say I'm doing better. My brother's custom is to get up and say he has to go do something else the minute I make any mention of being ill. They do not hesitate to spend time telling me what they expect me to do for them, even if it's obvious I can not do it. Not everyone is this bad but even doctors have ignored symptoms when they don't want to treat them. It's not always a matter of finding a simple way to explain things - many people have agenda's where they'd prefer NOT to understand.

Rita

21 Apr 2010, 22:49

Patty, I was diagnosed with osteoarthritis at about the age of 25. I am now 50. I've been tested numerous times for all of the autoimmune diseases (most recently last week), they have all been negative. It is hard to explain your pain to people when you are young. My biggest problem is my feet--no pretty shoes for me anymore.

JOANNE

13 Dec 2009, 22:37

I FEEL FOR JUNE. I HAVE HAD PEOPLE LEAVE MESSAGES ON MY WINDOW STATING "YOU ARE NOT HANDICAPPED,YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF." IT IS ALL YOU CAN DO AFTER A NOTE LIKE THAT TO MAINTAIN COMPOSURE. GRANTED THIS PERSON DID NOT KNOW THAT THE WHOLE REASON I CAN WALK NOW IS BECAUSE I AM ON ABOUT 12-13 MEDS A DAY AND HAVE HAD NUMEROUS SURGERIES. THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR CONDITION AND IF YOUR DOCTOR GAVE YOU ONE THAN YOU PROBABLY NEED IT. I TOOK IT AS A COMPLIMENT THAT I DIDN'T "LOOK" DISABLED-BUT THEY SAW ME ON A GOOD DAY EARLY IN THE AM WITH MEDS ON BOARD. IT IS HARD BEING YOUNG WITH RA AS PEOPLE CAN'T SEE WHAT YOU GO THROUGH OR HOW MUCH PAIN YOU ARE IN. ALL YOU CAN DO IS IGNORE PEOPLE'S COMMENTS AS THEY HAVE NO CLUE.

leslie

01 Sep 2009, 23:29

Im 24. I was recently diagnosed with RA. I told my doctor when I was 16 that I had pain. He ignored it. I switched doctors,and eventually started working for him. My labs were negative on my RA panels. But my crp and my sed rate were "sky high". I was sent to an ra specialist. We did x-rays. I have pararticular osteopenic changes in my hands. I have ddd in my spine. I have terrible balance. Horrible, I keep falling. I had knee surgery last halloween. My knee has been swollen since. The surgery helped with my knee pain but it still swells. My hands get really bad when it rains. They are red, swollen, and painful. Im still in college and trying to get my degree in nursing.Im not sure if i will be able to get it with the RA, but im going to try. Its hard explaining the red, swollen hands. I tell people to look it up on the web and read up on it and make themselves aware.

Patty

26 Aug 2009, 11:46

I am 25 and was first diagnosed with Osteo Artritis at 16 It has been really hard. Alot of people think I am being a baby when I cry because it hurts and It is hard to explain to them. I have had two knee sugeries also I wish I could find people in their 20's that have OA most people who have it our older.

Noli siaps

09 Aug 2009, 01:45

i just have mine this month cause of my work which consist of heavy lifting my right hand is in pain specially during mornings sometimes when i wash my hand it tingles ,,i don't know if i will quit my job because of this and im scared it might get worse,i have just recently been hired under probation for 3months and its only my 1st month i already develop hand athritis,, any advice...

tyrina garcia

10 Jul 2009, 15:50

i am newly diagnoced with arthritis and do not like it much i have very bad arm and hand cramps just like charley horses that one gets in thier legs but its in my arms. they turn hard and so painful that often i cry i am undogoing medical testing now but i hurt so much help please.............

June

19 May 2009, 13:24

It is also hard for us who look normal I have fibro RA osteo polymalgia and degemerative disc and fractured my back and have poor balance but look healthy and use a cane due to high risk of falling and rarly use handicap parking because I have been approched about it and asked if I am handicaped

nicole bryant

24 Mar 2009, 18:13

i was diagnosed with jra when i was 2 years old, i am now 28. i find it the most difficult to explain the type of problems i have with my joints, especially my hands because those are visible all the time. although, i have lived with jra pretty much my whole life, i still find that when people just stare and don't ask what's wrong i get upset, both mad and my feeligs get hurt. you know it's not that bad when kids stare but, it would seem that the adults with them wouldn't do the same. i get looks from people like they can catch it or something. i have had cashiers at stores drop my change on the floor because they were scared to touch my hands. i wish they would just ask what is wrong then just do something like that. it is rude and it hurts my feelings and i also get mad. thanks for listening.

sincerly,
nicole

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Telling People You Have Arthritis

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