Do you believe for every negative there really is a positive?
This is not necessarily a question related to science and should not be answered from a scientific standpoint. Read it again and give your answer based on circumstances and events surrounding your life.
Thankfully, my son, Matthew, has never been diagnosed with arthritis, but he has grown up with the disease. He was born three years after my diagnosis, into a lifestyle of medical demands, obstacles and constant change. (As most of you know, chronic illnesses are not limited to an individual. They impact the entire family/household.)
Since Matthew’s birth, he has always taken my health in stride and accepted it for what it is. To him, my challenges were opportunities to find creative solutions. As a young child, he often assisted when I had to discover non-traditional ways of doing simple, everyday tasks. When he sees me using salad tongs to style my hair or putting mustard on a hotdog by squeezing the bottle with my knees, it is not abnormal.
Given the extremely aggressive nature of my arthritis, as a parent, I had concerns about Matt’s comprehension of my illness as a whole. The beast living within my body caused most of the severe damage during his impressionable years and I feared the negatives of my health would outweigh the positive memories of his childhood.
One evening, Matthew became very angry at my disease because of the devastation to my body and the need to seek advanced medical care. He was a confused and frightened 7-year old child who didn’t think it was fair that his Mom had to endure great pain and physical challenges “all of the time.”
In an effort to help him release his frustrations, I suggested we write down all of the things he didn’t like about my arthritis. When we finished, he could use his anger to tear up the paper.
Surprised by its length, and thinking the list was complete, I began to read it out loud to be sure he covered all the areas that were important to him. After reading a couple of the negatives, Matthew interrupted and reminded me of some positives that occurred as a direct result of each negative. Before long, his anger was gone. Instead, we found ourselves reminiscing and laughing about the experiences.
For example, number four on the negative list was, “Mom is always in the hospital.” After reading it, Matt giggled and said, “Do you remember the time I pushed the up buttons on both ends of your hospital bed and folded you into a taco?” Noticing his reaction, I observantly read the next line, “Mom can’t walk and has to use a wheelchair.” At which time he responded, “It’s fun when I sit on your lap and we roll down the driveway then I push you back up and we do it again.”
Rather than tearing up the list of negatives as originally planned, we started at the beginning and noted the positives. In doing so, we found there really was a positive related to every negative experience. We decided to keep the list as a reminder when anger or confusion surfaced and added to it periodically when we felt the need.
Referring back to the initial question, my answer is, “ABSOLUTELY!” I’ve lived long enough to see positives in the majority of my life’s negatives. And for the remainder, I believe (in time) they, too, will have a positive impact.
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