Processing Grief

Have you gone through the stages?

By Annette Beach

Grief, it’s a fact of life. As kids, we loose our goldfish just days after bringing them home in a baggie. Later we loose our beloved household pets, whom we grow up with and consider to be a family member.

Regardless of who or what, loss causes sadness and pain to run deep within our souls. Unfortunately, life is full of losses. Avoiding it is impossible.

If you have never dealt with a chronic illness, you will not understand what I’m about to say. For those living with a chronic illness (whether you experience it personally or through a loved one), you will agree with me.

The grieving process for illness is much like the loss of a loved one (see previous blog: “Grieving a Chronic Illness”). Regardless if you are grieving for another person or a piece of your own life, your response to the loss will be the same.

The steps to process grief are:

• Denial/Isolation
• Anger
• Bargaining
• Depression (see next weeks blog)
• Acceptance/Adjustment

Please know, these are the natural experiences of a loss of any kind, including illness.

Several years ago when I realized I was no longer the same person and I was grieving the loss of myself, I thought I was going bonkers. It seemed ridiculous to grieve when I was very much alive.

After taking the time to learn and understand, I began to realize grief is not limited to death. It includes losses from life.

Allowing myself to accept this stage of my illness without guilt was a giant step. From there, I moved through the process:

• Recognized and acknowledged my loss/losses
• Vented/Allowed myself to feel it (will not – deny it is painful!)
• Let go and move forward
• Set new goals within my abilities
• Changed energy and focus to meet my new capabilities

I’m not going to lie. This was not and is not an easy process. It takes time, often more than we’re willing to give.

The bad news is, this can be a never-ending cycle when it pertains to illness. The good news is: It’s doable. Talk to your loved ones; make them aware of your emotional pain and seek support from others who have had similar experiences.

Have you grieved because of a personal loss due to illness? Did you experience the steps mentioned above? Has your grief repeated itself? How did you handle it?