Have you ever had days when your pain is so intense it brings you to tears?
Over time, living with a chronic illness can leave a person feeling isolated and lonely. The pain associated with an ongoing disease is both physical and emotional and is often at a level that healthy people cannot comprehend.
Those of us who live with pain daily have tolerances and can go through the motions, hiding our true feelings. But there are days when it hurts to literally move or we have to change our plans because we cannot function, exposing our real pain. On those days, in addition to the physical pain, we experience the feelings of doubt or letting others down, which causes us emotional pain.
I have dealt with both and I think they are both monsters! Physical pain hurts! It wears me down because it’s constant. Emotional pain has a tendency to sneak up on me then linger, causing guilt. The physical pain caused by my arthritis is tough enough, but when I factor in the emotional side, at times it can be unbearable.
Depending on the type of pain I’m experiencing, I have several ways of coping; but there is one technique I use more than others. Years ago I created a method in my head to avoid using pain medicine and narcotics. Basically, I process the pain. I dissect it and view every angle: where it hurts, why it’s hurting, what it will take to make it stop, and so on. It is a very involved and time-consuming method, but it works for me. It has a lot to do with my faith and acceptance of my illness.
When you experience pain, how do you cope? Do you think one pain is worse than the other (physical vs. emotional)?
To be frank, I'm overwhelmed and seriously depressed. I see my primary care doc, an internist, a counselor, and a pain management doc on a regular basis. Some days it feels like they are the only people I related to.
I feel like God has abandoned me. I feel faithless, hopeless and very very alone.
I don't know if I have it in me to keep going. I've already been through so much in my 51 years and while I've been a very strong woman for a very long time, I feel that strength ebbing away and I don't know if I even have it in me to learn to "cope" with all this pain and depression. There are many times that I feel lucky to have all these medications around me...just in case. It's almost a comfort, that thought.
I haven't shared these feelings with my family or friends.
I grieve daily over all the losses: friends, family, freedom of movement, thoughts and dreams of the future, and any hope of having some kind of normal life.
Thanks for reading.
Thank you for your post. It is very calming and soothing and offers a peacefulness.
Coping skills have varied through all of my life stages. My best times are when I am with my family, especially, my grandchldren at this stage. I tell my grandchildren Grandma is fragile when they get too physical or expectations are more than I can give.
My faith, wearing a smile (sometimes forced) and getting out of the house, whether it is to shop, walk in my yard, watch my humming bird feeder, a church activity, community event, mentoring in a school or just going to the library sitting and observing people are some of my strategies. Email or calling a friend helps as well. Getting out of myself and into others is a great help to me.
Recouperating from surgeries can be lonely. I try to be supportive to others when they have surgeries so they realize how important those cards and visits become. We were a military family so I was use to suportive friends. Now, being retired, in the civilian world it is much different. Most people my age are not retired yet so their time is limited to share away from their family.
Be gentle with yourself and others. Allen Chambers once wrote, "The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love and something to hope for." I hope and pray for all of you on this blog, peace and contentment!
When I flare, it's a matter of prioritizing. If my housework doesn't get done that day, it's okay. It'll be there tomorrow. I am fortunate to have an understanding and flexible workplace but try to make myself go into the office even when I'm hurting, using it as a distraction. Learning not to beat myself up has been crucial for my mental health. Instead I concentrate on what I WAS able to do that day, even if it was merely getting my hair washed.
I also try not to dwell on the pain. Getting on the phone and going on and on about the aches and pains doesn't really do much for me except frustrate me more. However, forcing myself to talk to people about other things is essential because I can go into seclusion as I wait for the flare to pass.
Every day, week, year I look to find new, healthier ways to manage my pain/disease. Sometimes I succeed, other times, I take the easy way out. But regardless, it DOES pass and I make it through another flare.
Chronic illness can be extremely isolating and depressing... no joke.
For me, though, the emotional pain is harder. I feel as though I am not "pulling my share of the weight" and I don't like to depend on others for everything. I hate feeling guilty.
I use prayer and my faith to get through the hard days. Sometimes I feel like God must get awfully tired of hearing my problems! I really make an effort not to complain to friends & family, but to save it for my "alone time" with God.
I get through emotional pain because of Jesus Christ - I know that God will not give me more than I can handle.
I also use relaxation techniques, such as starting from my head to my toes and going from one body part (even my eyebrows and forhead) to another and relax each body part as I go down my body. I don't get very far because I fall asleep.
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