When I was diagnosed at the age of 21, I was completely ignorant to the severity of my arthritis. Within the first couple of years, I had to have three operations and I began to see the reality of this disease. My doctors felt I needed aggressive treatments and I was advised against having children.
After careful consideration, my husband and I decided to try to have a baby before starting the treatments. I asked God for a healthy baby boy and we got him!
Three weeks after our son’s birth, I began my treatments. Twelve weeks later, I experienced a rare side effect and my lungs shut down. I was in critical condition for two months. At one point, my doctors suggested “getting our paperwork in order.” Needless to say, this was a very scary time for us. But after two years, my lungs recovered.
I have often said, “My arthritis is a family disease.” I may be the carrier, but my husband has lived with it and experienced it every day since the beginning and it is all that my son has ever known. They may not feel the actual pain, but they see it in my eyes and my personality daily and that is painful for them.
As my son grew, I feared his memories of me would be that I was sick all of the time; I was constantly in the hospital; I wouldn’t be the mom he deserved; or that I was dependent on him when he should have been dependent on me. My worst fear (after having the lung disease) was that I would not be around to raise him.
Last month, my son turned 20 years old. As we celebrated his birthday, I had a silent celebration of my own. After all of these years, I realized that he didn’t label me as being sick and he doesn’t focus on my operations. He loves his mom. This disease taught us about teamwork and, most of all, I was around to raise him.
I didn’t know it at the time but, looking back, I see it was all good. Arthritis is not an easy disease and it definitely adds to the challenges of parenting, but I’m glad we tried. Raising our son has been the greatest blessing in our lives!
What decisions have you had to make about having a family? Do you have concerns or experiences to share?
I never ever saw my Arthritis negatively. I didn't think I was "disabled." So I never even thought I couldn't provide or care for my child. And for the most part, I did it.
Now my second pregnancy and birth was a different story all together at the age of 30. But after his birth I had severe post partum as my arthritis came back 100 fold. I couldn't comb my hair, let alone take care of my baby for 6 weeks until I could get back on meds and feel better.
There were so many other dysfunctional things happening in my life that those should have been the reasons not to have children or at least prolong it. But I didn't. I have been a single mother for most of the 19 years I have had my boys and I will never ever regret my decision to have my boys. In fact, my oldest just turned 19 one week ago. I have worried about putting undue issues on them and not being able to be as active as I wish I could to play with them. But children are gifts and they love unconditionally. My oldest texted me one evening and said, "I love you too so much. Because your the best mom any son could ever wish for. I don't know anyone who has a mom as strong as I do. I think anyone else would have gave up already. (He was implying because I was a single mother with 2 children and no help with Arthritis) I love how much you do and never complain and your in pain while you do it. It's like nothing ever stops you. I couldn't ask for a better person to call my mom. I love you mom. I just thought you should know how I feel."
Awww, I know. it made me cry so hard. And I have the text messages, because it came in 2 of them cause it was so long, saved on my phone!
That just made all the worrying if I could be a good mother go away forever. And I could go on forever and ever about my motherhood adventures, but I don't want to take up all the blog space. Ask me anything and I will tell you though.
SJ
phoenix, AZ
I, too, had to make the decision as to whether to have a child and get off all of my meds or not have children at all. And like you, my husband and I decided to go for it. Luckily, I did not have any bad repercussions from it. I feel blessed to have had my daughter and it was worth the risk.
But when I was 28 years old, I decided to get my tubes tied because I was on multiple medications that said, "Do not get pregnant while on this medication." I did not want to take the chance of getting pregnant and something happening to the baby. (although I have a 3-year old baby boy, named Houdini (he's my dog for people who don't know me)
It's just life - I could have had to make those same decisions with other types of illnesses. My illness just happened to be arthritis.
Leave a Comment