Parenting with an Illness

Have you had to make decisions about having a family?

By Annette Beach

When I was diagnosed at the age of 21, I was completely ignorant to the severity of my arthritis. Within the first couple of years, I had to have three operations and I began to see the reality of this disease. My doctors felt I needed aggressive treatments and I was advised against having children.

After careful consideration, my husband and I decided to try to have a baby before starting the treatments. I asked God for a healthy baby boy and we got him!

Three weeks after our son’s birth, I began my treatments. Twelve weeks later, I experienced a rare side effect and my lungs shut down. I was in critical condition for two months. At one point, my doctors suggested “getting our paperwork in order.” Needless to say, this was a very scary time for us. But after two years, my lungs recovered.

I have often said, “My arthritis is a family disease.” I may be the carrier, but my husband has lived with it and experienced it every day since the beginning and it is all that my son has ever known. They may not feel the actual pain, but they see it in my eyes and my personality daily and that is painful for them.

As my son grew, I feared his memories of me would be that I was sick all of the time; I was constantly in the hospital; I wouldn’t be the mom he deserved; or that I was dependent on him when he should have been dependent on me. My worst fear (after having the lung disease) was that I would not be around to raise him.

Last month, my son turned 20 years old. As we celebrated his birthday, I had a silent celebration of my own. After all of these years, I realized that he didn’t label me as being sick and he doesn’t focus on my operations. He loves his mom. This disease taught us about teamwork and, most of all, I was around to raise him.

I didn’t know it at the time but, looking back, I see it was all good. Arthritis is not an easy disease and it definitely adds to the challenges of parenting, but I’m glad we tried. Raising our son has been the greatest blessing in our lives!

What decisions have you had to make about having a family? Do you have concerns or experiences to share?