Having spent nearly a quarter of a century living every day with severe rheumatoid arthritis, recovering from more than 30 operations, dealing with side effects from high-risk medications, becoming a regular in the medical and arthritis communities, being an advocate, public speaker and professional patient, and spending every waking moment battling the beast within, you’d think I was an expert on the subject. But, ‘au contraire,’ there’s always more!
Arthritis is an umbrella term used to associate more than one hundred different forms on chronic illnesses. It is often linked to the phrase, ‘minor aches and pains,’ which is grossly misleading!
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic inflammatory disease causing swelling and inflammation to the joints, surrounding tissues and other organs that can eventually lead to bone erosion and deformities. It’s an autoimmune disorder causing a person’s immune system to mistakenly attack it’s own body tissues. In some cases, it can be life-threatening, but in most, it’s life-altering.
In recent months, my RA, has created a new set of circumstances forcing me to consider alternative therapies and harsh realities. Being an active partner in my own care, I’ve spent hours back at the drawing board, reviewing and updating my knowledge about this complex disease. As each new day of researching begins, I find myself reading those familiar words that introduce us to this debilitating disease.
“More than 1.3 million Americans have been diagnosed with RA … a chronic illness … painful … leads to long term damage and eventually disability … affects more women than men … cannot be prevented … often strikes young, healthy, active women without warning between the ages of 18 to 44 …”
Recognizing the descriptive words while relating them to my own personal experiences, I began to feel anger toward RA – not only my RA, but every diagnosis of RA! Over the years, I’ve heard countless stories of individual onsets, young people in the prime of their lives, attacks with no warning, limiting physical and emotional abilities, leaving behind destruction and a lifetime of pain.
Rheumatoid arthritis is not merely a disease – it’s a “serial attacker!” RA is responsible for a series of unsolicited acts over a period of time, interfering with activities of daily living and solely responsible pain and suffering! Describing my onset, I often use the words, “At the time of my diagnosis, I was physically strong, independent, athletic and 21 years old.” When I share my history, it’s a series of repeated attacks regardless of the fact that I did everything right!
If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis or a related disease, please share your experience in the comment section below. Have you felt anger toward the disease? If so, how did you resolve it? Besides ‘serial attacker,’ what term would you use to describe RA?
In the end I just give up answering the question. So many feelings come up and none of them are good.
Thanks for starting this discussion,
Mary
Thank you for your heartfelt post! You wrote what so many of us feel, honestly portraying your thoughts and concerns. I, like many of the readers, understand and relate to your words. Please keep us posted and let us know about your appointment on the 10th.
Always remember, You are not alone!
The title of my blog: The Journey Of My Joints. My first entry was yesterday, Jan. 1, 2011. My first blog entry:
Toasting the New Year with a little whine:
Happy New Year and welcome to Rheumatoid Arthritis! Well...there is no official diagnoses yet, but the internet and google
have opened my incredibly dry eyes to the craziness that is currently raging through my body. Yes...I could be one of those self-diagnosing hypochondriacs but I don't think so. As I look at my hands and almost literally watch nodules popping out everywhere, I can't help but feel like I am one of the main characters in a science fiction movie. And my body..it hurts everywhere. What kind of body betrays someone who has taken reasonably good care of it through the years. What's worse..is that the only mental picture I have of RA is a deceased friend who suffered dearly with this incurable intruder. My friend had terribly contorted and knarly hands and feet. I remember seeing her with hand braces and big, clunky orthopedic shoes. I found it somewhat difficult to look her without feeling extreme pity. And yes..it made me uncomfortable to look at her. I feel very vain in the fact that at this particular moment, I am horrified at becoming what for me, was the poster child profile of Rheumatoid Arthrtitis. As I sit here hoping that I am wrong, my symmetrical joint pain in so many parts of my body screams that I am not. Fortunately, for me, I did see a Rheumatologist in Aug. of 2009 for what I swore was pain induced by the use of Boniva. The Rheumatologist was one of the nicest doctors I have ever had the pleasure of seeing. I will see him again on Jan.10, 2010. I already feel confident that I will have a very skilled and empathetic partner to handle whatever ailment has taken up residence in my body. At the moment, my mind is in overwhelm. How will we afford this? Will our crappy insurance cover anything? And most importantly...will I still be able to function (NORMALLY) as the president of our small business? Not likely since I already look like I have spastic CP when I get up from my desk. And what about the immune problem I already have? Gee...it looks like most of the drugs that treat RA surpress the immune system. yes...I am worried and feeling the tell tell signs of anger. What about my golden years for God Sake? I am not even quite ready to start them and have a roadblock. Not fair. I will do with this illness, what I have done with all of the others in my life (or even the negative events for that matter), I will whine, complain, cry, eat chocolate, test the limits of friendship and family with my obsessive preoccupation with what is happening to my body, watch Lifetime movies in a "poor me" state of mind, analyze, research and finally process it all. I will then take charge of what I need to do to gain as much control as I can over my uninvited guest.
Until then...here's to a brand new year and the journey of my joints!
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