Last week, I watched an interview with a husband and wife who had been severely burned in a fiery crash. As they shared the details of the accident, long recovery, children’s acceptance of their scarred mother, holding on to a marriage that was once solid, grieving the life they’d lost and overcoming the obstacles caused by this tragedy, I felt a deep compassion. My heart ached for their losses, yet at the same time, rejoiced for the courage and strengths they found to overcome.
During the interview, they spoke of a painful distance that developed between them as a result of the accident then explained how they prevailed to save their marriage. Every night for an entire year, they gave a detailed account of their own version of the events that took place immediately following the accident. After doing this repeatedly, they realized, when it comes to retelling an occurrence, everyone has a personal recollection of the same event and each version depends on the direct impact to that person, creating individual stories.
The key was to communicate. In order to restore their marriage, they had to acknowledge what each experienced, their thought patterns, intensions and personal injuries at the time of the crash. Viewing the situation from various angles helped to clarify, providing a better understanding during a time of chaos and confusion.
For several days, I’ve replayed the accounts set above and can’t help but wonder about the countless marriages and relationships that struggle or fail due to misunderstood or untold, individual stories.
Having a life altering injury or illness can wreak havoc between loved ones and friends. Being able to communicate is crucial, but far from simple! Inserting ones self into the shoes of another, so to speak, is not an easy task. Although a person’s intensions may be good, it’s not always enough. It takes patience to listen, time to process, then repeat and repeat again.
I’m reminded of numerous occasions when my arthritis resembled the aftermath of a crash, leaving me scarred, recovering, holding on and grieving, all the while searching for courage, strength and some sort of understanding to overcome a chaotic and confusing time.
Thankfully my husband and I learned early on to communicate. Over the last 25 years, we’ve had marathon conversations related to the toll my illness has taken on our marriage, at times being brutally honest in order to truly understand our individual stories. Painful? Sometimes. But overall – worth it! Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for all of my relationships. Lack of communication or misunderstandings are to blame for a number of lost friends and family.
How do the people in your life interpret your arthritis experiences? Has your illness been the cause of a broken relationship? How do you voice your individual story? Do you make an effort to understand the versions of those around you? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
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