Sometimes, my arthritis pain reaches a level of intensity for a period of time that exceeds my usual tolerances, causing me to reconsider the coping strategies I’ve developed and mastered over the years. My mind becomes enraged as it scrolls down the long checklist of chronic illness etiquette that I’ve taken on in order to maintain a certain degree of sanity, while battling the beast within. There are days when I have a strong urge to shout out and tell the world how I REALLY feel on a daily basis!
Fortunately, for those in earshot and myself, I’ve managed to withhold my desire to publically scream and describe to the world, ‘my definition of arthritis pain’. Why do I resist telling the truth? I have several reasons, such as; if I start screaming, I may never stop; there’s not enough time in the day to make my point; words alone cannot describe it; and so on.
But if I’m honest, the real reason is simple … “The Truth Hurts!”
In my most recent blog, “The Days After” (1/4/11), I described waking up the day after the 2010 holiday season ended, finding myself in an extremely rare arthritis predicament. The pain was intense and all mobility was gone!
A few days later, I awoke from a dream where I’d been on stage, making a public announcement to family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, medical care providers and various groups, describing to them what it feels like to be me. As I laid there reflecting on my dream, I became overwhelmed with emotions.
There I was, pacing back and forth on a large platform, speaking loud and clear, telling it like it is, without consideration for anyone’s feelings, but my own. Occasionally I’d stop in my tracks just long enough to point to slides comparing a normal, healthy body to mine.
At one time, I displayed an image of the musculoskeletal system then beside it was an x-ray of me, highlighting damaged or reconstructed body parts, replaced joints and all of my incisions.
Ultimately, I was on a mission to put to rest that awful question I’m asked all the time, “Are you in pain?” Followed by the statement that has the potential to put me over the edge, “You don’t look like you’re in pain.”
Although it felt good in my dream to unload the daily burdens of living with arthritis pain, it was also a realization of the painful truth and the hurt that runs deep.
Can you relate to my experience of truth? How do you describe your pain to others? Do you ever get the urge to scream to the world? What is your reaction when people ask if you’re in pain or say you don’t look like you’re in pain? Please share in the comment section below.
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